I have a very colorful past. I am not ashamed of it, I don’t apologize for it, and I’m not asking for sympathy. However, I do like to use it to help others.
When people feel hopeless, judged, and less than, I understand. For some reason that surprises people. I’m writing this to introduce myself to anyone who finds themselves in a time of need or desperation. I get it, and I want to help.
So, here goes (a little nervous but feeling good about this). I was born to a mother and a father who liked to party. My mom had tubal ligation (tubes cut, tied, and burned) and 2 months later she couldn’t even talk the doctor into doing a pregnancy test when she said she had symptoms. 1 in 1000 women get pregnant after such a surgery… So was I mistake?
Mistakes are what make us great!! Mistakes get a terrible rep. Edison said
I have not failed. I’ve found 10,000 ways that won’t work
The world convinces us if we don’t get it perfect, we’re not living the American dream. We’re not obeying our “natural human” instinct. But why?
For all intended purposes, I wasn’t even suppose to be here. Yet here I stand as the woman I have made myself into. Or rather, as the woman my mistakes have made me in to. Recently I have had an overload of messages asking for help, and I am happy to oblige. However, anyone seeking me out should know some things about me.
I never sugar coat. It’s not in me, and the world does not come in spoon full’s of sugar. I won’t ask for forgiveness for my brutal honesty, but if you truly want my help, I will not steer you wrong. I’m not always harsh though. While I will give the truth (easy or otherwise) it will be in your benefit. But why? Why do I care? If everything I went through was for nothing, then I am wrong, and mistakes do not make us great. I have told myself (and convinced myself) that I am my mothers greatest mistake!
I grew up rough, and my mother was a heavy drinker. I got high at age 14 for the first time with my mother and my 19 year old boyfriend that lived with us at the time. By then I had been molested by three of my mothers boyfriends. However, only one came to surface. When it did, I was told to tell my family I made it all up. So, I did. My mother had a hard time choosing men. They were abusive, addicts, alcoholics, and pedophiles. So should I hate her for all her terrible mistakes? Why? They all made me stronger. Without those mistakes, would I be here to help you today?
I made a laundry list of my own mistakes. My first husband was an addict, and heavily involved in crime. I stood by and pretended I was not aware or involved. For a while, I even convinced myself I could fix him somehow. I was terribly wrong. We had two beautiful children together and I can’t help but wonder if someone out there would call them a mistake? My oldest (now 17) even asked me once if I felt like he was a mistake. I told him that he was never a mistake, he was my miracle! Of all the fumbles and falls I made along the way, he was my GREATEST mistake 😉 Not really, I would never call my child a mistake. He truly saved my life. From the first time I held him I knew that everything in my world was going to different. 16, pregnant, no job, and not married. So many people said that was a mistake, yet here we are talking about the angel that saved my life 17 years ago.
I had no clue the struggle that awaited me. When I found out I was pregnant I went to work as a waitress. By then I had already failed 9th grade once, and skipped a year while my mother “homeschooled” me. I fought with my ex husband through out the entire pregnancy. He was in and out of prison so much that in the 5 years we were together, he was only free for half of that. That which doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. I made a decision that either I was going to let what didn’t kill me break me, or make me. In full transparency, it broke me for the next 10 years.
For a long time I accepted my fate as prewritten. I was destined to be a baby mamma on Medicaid. I was the “ride or die” chick. I fought, I hustled, and I never thought twice about the damage I would cause. I’ve since made things right by those I wronged, but am I sorry I lived that way? Absolutely not! I want to be the light at the end of a tunnel for women who feel trapped by their circumstances, how could I ever do that if I didn’t go through the tunnel myself?
I was always good at school when I went. A’s and B’s came easily to me. I only dropped out because I was hard headed and my poor weak minded mother (there’s that brutal honesty I warned you about) had no chance of standing up against me. So, I made my own rules, and I did what ever I wanted with a huge “try me” sign on my forehead. I don’t blame my mother in anyway, because ownership is what made me a different person. The path of least resistance means blaming, excusing, and winning. I have no excuse for my actions, and they are no one’s fault but my own. Does that mean I should allow my mistakes to in-prison me? NO, my mistakes are what make me great. I am not sorry I made them if I learned from them.
I decided I didn’t want my kids to drop out like my mother and myself. So, I got my GED when I was 22. When I was 23 my ex husband was sentenced to prison for 20 years, and I was sentenced to chaos. What was I supposed to do now? All my plans and big dreams of being someone’s “ol lady” were crushed. Soon after, hurricane Rita hit, and we lost it all. It was the very best thing that ever could have happened to me. Mother nature ripped my life to pieces, and then she saved it.
I was displaced 9 hours from my home town. I was able to get on housing and I was working 3 jobs to support myself, my two sons, and my mother. I had even gotten to a point where housing was going to help me buy a home! But, I wasn’t ready. I was still making my great mistakes and sabotaging my own accomplishments. I was in a very abusive relationship at the time, and we got into a terrifying fight one night at the top of a bridge over the water. It was the first time in my life I thought I might actually die. I remember begging for my kids! I yelled out to God “I’m all they have, please don’t do this” as the grip got so tight on my through I felt something crushing. God heard me, and he saved me from that situation. Was it a mistake? Or is it the reason I will always value myself and my worth? Mistake are what make us great. Had this not happened, I would not have made the pivotal turn I made to become a different person. I say different, because who am I to say better? I will let God be the judge of that.
About a month later I met my husband now. He made me see myself in another light. He truly is a blessing, but what happens to those who don’t have someone to help them see the light? We’ve been together for about 9 years now. I have since graduated with honors form college and received my associates in Education. If I shared every moment with you (And I may in another blog lol) You would not have gotten to this point. This is where I tell you that if not for every awful terrible mistake in my life, I would not be who I am today. I have recently reached out to others like myself. Women who are finding themselves in a place they feel they may never get out of. Strangers, criminals, lost souls, or maybe someone who just needs a tiny push. I’m here for all of you.
I could have repeated history, and followed in my mothers footsteps. I could have allowed my fathers absence to continue to ruin all of my relationships. I could have taken every mistake someone made against me or that I made in my own blunder, push me into a completely different direction, but I chose not to.
It’s not another corny line. It’s true! Everything in my life that I love most I had to work my ass off for. (I really don’t have a filter either. In fact, this is about the most filtered I’ve ever been) You can never quit, you can never give up, and you must never (at least not to me) apologize for your mistakes. (apologizing to make things right is another story) My point is this, if I can help, I will. Now, I am a full time working mom so I’m not always available. When I make myself available, know that I am stretched then and my time is precious. I believe God helps those who help themselves, and I don’t take excuses. I WANT to hear your stories! They are what brought us together. What I don’t want, and what I won’t tolerate is self pity. Even I am guilty, however you have to keep pushing! If you need to feel sorry for yourself, then you do so for a moment and then you get right back up and you keep pushing.
Never stare at the people around you and ask yourself “Why do they have that?” Ask yourself “what am I going to do to earn that?” This world will not coddle you or comfort you. It is not all terrible, but for the most part, it will not hold your hand. I won’t either, but I will guide you as best I can. As long as you understand that every decision you make in life is yours and yours alone. I don’t beat down your door and I can’t always respond right away, but I welcome questions. If there is anything I can help with, I always will! I’m not in this fancy top of the line life style. But I’m in a healthy family, with a comfortable living. Something I never knew was possible for “people like me.”
Please feel free to hit me up on social media anytime! I am going to work on some other resources for everyone, but if there is something in particular you need, even if it’s just to talk, I’m here.
Never apologize for being you and remember, mistakes are what make us great!
~ Melissa ~
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